The Journey of Matthew (soon to be Estrada)

This week has been such a whirl wind of emotions; good and bad. On Thursday and Friday of last week we were sitting in a court room listening to the attorneys closing arguments and waiting with a huge measure of anticipation for the judges decision. I can not put words to the feelings that completely and utterly overtook my body. I seriously felt like I was dreaming. Although, I knew that it wasn't a dream because Roger's hands were so wet from perspiration I just knew I had to be awake. And then on Tuesday to get the news that they had terminated parental rights. It was so unreal that we were that much closer to having the full freedom of loving Matthew in the fullness of being our son permanently. That is such a strange concept to put my thoughts around, the fact that I do love Matthew as though he was my own and I have felt that I have loved him reserving nothing from him. On the other hand now knowing that he will be ours forever there are different implications for that. The seemingly simple things like buying him an outfit one size bigger has been a struggle for me to do until now. I know this sounds funny but I went to Old Navy the day after and bought him a few 4t things.

Christopher knew on a small scale what this last week was about and he knew that on Tuesday we would find out were Matthew would live forever. He kept counting down the days to when we would find out. When we told him he said, "I knew that God was going to choose us to be his forever family."